Dec 1, 2020
...(stealing a bit here from Martin Luther in the
The “7 Theses of Phone On-Hold”
(nailed to the virtual church door 2020)
by Loose Bruce Kerr
December 1, 2020
- No On-Hold music loop may be shorter than 5 minutes before loop
- The fidelity of On-Hold music must be high fidelity
and at least equivalent to that experienced as long ago as 30 years
on some On-Hold music systems (where did those go?).
- Callers On-Hold must be given the choice of styles of music
(e.g., Rock, Hip-Hop, Classical, Global, Country, Heavy Metal,
Folk, Latvian Whaling Tunes, etc., a minimum of 6 styles to choose
- No repeat word-announcements On-Hold over and over,
limit: 2 at front end of On-Hold, then never again on that call.
Covid-excuse announcement-repeats banished 3 months after
vaccine made available.
- Never, never again must the public be subjected to 30-60 second
On-Hold music loopsrepeating forever & ever.
Violations punishable by flogging with a wet noodle. In the Public
- Callers On-Hold to be updated on approximate time until their
call is answered by a trained person per the number of
callers in queue and historical time averages.
- By 2023, national unemployment numbers will be greatly improved
by the hiring of sufficient, trained On-Hold eventual
answerers to limit On-Hold times to no greater than 5