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Loose Bruce Kerr's Parody/Original Song Podcast

Loose Bruce Kerr's original & parody/satire podcast site for Bruce's latest & legacy audio MP3s and video MP4 performances, videos always with live vocal (& guitar, if used) against Bruce's background tracks recorded by him 1 vocal and 1 instrument at a time, to produce a finished song and/or video.

the “7 Theses of Phone On-Hold”

Dec 1, 2020

...(stealing a bit here from Martin Luther in the 1500's):

The “7 Theses of Phone On-Hold”

(nailed to the virtual church door 2020)

by Loose Bruce Kerr

December 1, 2020


  1. No On-Hold music loop may be shorter than 5 minutes before loop repeats.


  1. The fidelity of On-Hold music must be high fidelity and at least equivalent to that experienced as long ago as 30 years on some On-Hold music systems (where did those go?).


  1. Callers On-Hold must be given the choice of styles of music (e.g., Rock, Hip-Hop, Classical, Global, Country, Heavy Metal, Folk, Latvian Whaling Tunes, etc., a minimum of 6 styles to choose from).


  1. No repeat word-announcements On-Hold over and over, limit: 2 at front end of On-Hold, then never again on that call. Covid-excuse announcement-repeats banished 3 months after vaccine made available.


  1. Never, never again must the public be subjected to 30-60 second On-Hold music loopsrepeating forever & ever. Violations punishable by flogging with a wet noodle. In the Public Square.


  1. Callers On-Hold to be updated on approximate time until their call is answered by a trained person per the number of callers in queue and historical time averages.


  1. By 2023, national unemployment numbers will be greatly improved by the hiring of sufficient, trained On-Hold eventual answerers to limit On-Hold times to no greater than 5 minutes. Ever.